Most of my life has been one of independent spirituality. I have believed in divine entities, I have believed in dimensions other than this one, but I have always had a deep belief that God was within me – that true power was within me. Through years of practicing realization and manifestation I began to experience a different, seemingly contradictory yet perfect perspective on this.
My consciousness determines the type of God if any that I experience.
I’ve always been a “prove it” kind of guy which has amused many of my teachers, especially in my younger years who knew that time, practice and experience and nothing else would bear me the answers that I demanded. I’m still that same person, I’m still as stubborn as an ox, yet experiences have humbled and changed me in ways that I could never have imagined.
Although I still count myself as an apprentice on the path of self-discovery, when I look back I realize that in many ways I have worked through a lot. I remember once remarking to a teacher that no matter how far I proceeded that I still felt like I was at the bottom of the “mountain”. His answer to me? “At least you’ve found your mountain!” The realization of this was profound for me. Not only did I feel a natural sense of gratitude for the journey that I’d had the opportunity to walk up until then. I also felt a deep sense of accomplishment that all the years of confusion, trial and error and questions had led to – well, more confusion, trial and error and questions! But the gist of what I’m saying is that I realized the context – a bigger picture into which all of this fits in. From this point on, I skipped along for many more years, confident in the fact that even when things seemed chaotic I had the principles and fundamentals to surf those waves and generally minimize my “wipe-outs.” Well the universe certainly has ways of showing us. Just when we think we’ve seen it all it goes: ” Yeah? You think that’s something? Take a look at this!” But I’m getting ahead of myself. A little bit more on how I came to this juncture.
I’ve gained a lot from a wide variety of spiritual, esoteric and personal development methods and I’ve always felt intuitively that all the esoteric schools and teachings shared core principles. I could just feel it in my bones. There is a particular energy through which is congruent. I’ve never had a problem with belief in connecting to spiritual guides, entities through shamanic healing, meditation and the like. It’s just that I’d always done so on my own terms. I would take what I needed and direct the energy and knowledge myself rather than trust the consciousness of any particular spiritual entity.
During my practice in manifestation and in particular realization concepts I was getting very strong messages from my intuition to connect to a particular energy. I put it off for about a year. The message I was sending back to my intuition was basically: “Life’s good, you’ve given me what I need, I don’t need to go no further!” My intuition’s retort to this was: “If you’re so right then why are you asking so many questions?”
One day I decided to just go up and explore.
In my quest for meditation, manifestation and empowerment I had reached a point where I was seeing profound results yet I wanted to make the process effortless. I knew that it could be easy. My intuition chose to throw me the curve ball at this moment: “What if there is a power that can do all this for you? Effortlessly and easily? This consciousness and power will exist if you realize it. If you let yourself see it. If not then continue doing what you’ve been doing, but stop bothering me with your questions already!”
It was that gap in my belief system that allowed me to experience something that I’d never let myself experience before.
I call it God, because it feels more directed and conscious then the universe at large which is chaotic in it’s order. There is a definite consciousness of unconditional love and deep empowerment that exists within this God Force. The trick is: God exists in the realization of God. Without realization our end of the “phone-line” is turned off. We need to engage our senses and imagine them connecting to God.
This is where our perception and beliefs of God begin to come in. I for one choose not to connect to a God that punishes and chastises me. I’ve chosen to realize a God that fills my body with healing light, clarity, empowerment and knowledge – and so that’s what I get. In a sense there is a similarity in the concept of connecting to God and in realizing the God within ourselves. The difference and this is a pretty big advantage, is that most of us have so many doubts in our own worthiness of love that we do not give ourselves love. On the other hand it seems easier in this world to give our power out to other people, gurus, teachers, masters and Gods. Yes it is interesting that we are less likely to forgive and love ourselves unconditionally as we are to believe that there is a God that will love us regardless of our “flaws.” Just as interesting is that in my work I’ve found that it is often easier to clear beliefs about God than it is to clear deep emotional blocks within ourselves. This little quirk gives us a great opportunity to create an autonomous healing, loving, empowerment “machine.” For those of us who have come from a less religious path, myself included it will be an interesting journey – there is no doubt about that. It took me several weeks to raise and clear several perceptions that I had about God – namely that God was an old man with a beard, realizing that I hated God, ridiculing God and established religion in general and of course that God did not exist. Pretty amazing stuff considering I’d been aware for some time about the effect these types of emotions and beliefs had on the psyche and consciousness in general. Interestingly I had not been consciously aware of my perceptions towards this subject at all until I actively interacted with it.
When I look at the progression of this journey I am beginning to see the trick that I am playing on myself. Namely that I am God – we all are, and yet in the consciousness and personas that we usually play we also are not God. The infinite nature of consciousness encompasses the reality of all dimensions. Being God and not being God. Realizing God and not realizing God. God existing and God not existing. If we believe in God or a God force then we will have access to the power we perceive this force to have. If not, we don’t.